The Current Page
Interesting, Funny or Psychotic – You Decide…
RSS
  • BLOG
  • THE WALL
  • FSX PANELS
  • CONTACT US
  • LINKS

VERY FUNNY? Category

  Hillbilly Vasectomy…

Posted: June 11th, 2010 View Comments

HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children…

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative’, said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’

The hillbilly said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.’

‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

’1′

’2′

’3′

’4′

’5′

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure works in: Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia.

 
VERY FUNNY?  View Comments

  Are You An Obama Fan?

Posted: February 9th, 2010 View Comments

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands, except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different… Again…

Little Johnny said, “Because I am not an Obama fan.”

The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?” Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.”

The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican. Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.”

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”

obama screwed you - obama  / woods picture
 
VERY FUNNY?  View Comments

  Thanks for the Educational EMails…

Posted: February 5th, 2010 View Comments

Due to this wealth of information I have received…

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones’ nose.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

Special thanks go out to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge on every envelope that needs sealing…

I also have to scrub the top of every beverage can I open for the same reason…

And, I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because shit splashes over 6 feet out of the commode.

I can’t use any toilet but my own because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my ass.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to that poor sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

In fact I have no money at all, but that will change once I receive the payment from my long lost uncle in Nigeria.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

Actually, I no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus or coffee from Starbucks, since I now have the recipe.

I can’t ever pick up $5 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg..

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don’t send this information to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a 100 pound dove with diarrhea will land on your head and release it’s bowels. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors’ ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician . . .

Oh, by the way…..
A German scientist has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read with their hand on the mouse…
Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

 
VERY FUNNY?  View Comments

  Different Types of Farts…

Posted: December 10th, 2009 View Comments

Regular Unleaded
About 1 second in length, conventional sound and expected odor. Your standard fart.

SBD (Silent But Deadly)
This release is as quiet as a whisper… However, tear gas is mild when compared to one of these, even outdoors.

The Rip (ripping the beef / cutting the cheese)
Almost always forced out in an animated fashion, these are loud, but normally harmless, planned events.

The Squeaker
You attempt to pass this one in silence, but fail… The resulting sound is embarrassing enough, not to mention the choking stench of rotten eggs and formal social setting.

The Shocker
You have no advance warning, one false move and it escapes, usually at an inappropriate time.

The Squeeze Play
Normally intended as a Rip, you suddenly realize your fart has invited his friend, the turd, to join him for this performance. You squeeze your cheeks shut and narrowly avoid disaster.

The Wet Fart
The least dangerous in a class of “farts gone wrong”. This sure sounds like hot tar being pumped into your underpants, but a closer inspection reveals only minor damage.

Special Delivery
Everything seemed to go just fine, but now you are not so sure… Something just doesn’t feel right… And I thought only the Easter Bunny could lay a chocolate egg.

The Eruption (also called a False Fart)
Even though it is now too late, you should have known this was going to happen… This was not a fart at all, in fact molten lava has escaped. If you are not wearing light colored pants you may be able to save face by heading to the restroom and cutting yourself free from your underwear.

 
VERY FUNNY?  View Comments

  13 Classes For Women…

Posted: September 16th, 2009 View Comments

13 Classes for Women are now being offered at:
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

NOTE:
DUE TO THE DIFFICULTY LEVEL, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat…
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Class meets Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Complaining About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Class meets Saturday for 3 hrs beginning at 12:00 PM (noon)

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past the Mall Without Stopping?
Group Debate.
Class meets Saturday for 4 hrs beginning at 8:00 AM

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase, with Pictures and Graphics.
Class meets Saturday for 2 hrs beginning at 3:00 PM

Class 5
Curling Irons – Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Class meets Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
With Help Line and Support Groups.
Class meets Friday and Sunday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Discussion.
Class meets Monday for 2 hrs beginning at 9:00 PM

Class 8
Health Watch – They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!
Class meets Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 2 hrs beginning at 5:00 PM.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!
Real Life Testimonials.
Class meets Tuesday for 2 hrs beginning at 5:00 PM.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
Class meets Saturday for 4 hrs beginning at 5:00 PM.

Class 11
How to Shop by Yourself.
Supervised Simulation.
Class meets Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 9:00 PM.

Class 12
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy – Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Shock Therapy Sessions Offered (additional fee applies).
Class meets Wednesday and Friday for 2 hours beginning at 5:00 PM.

Class 13
The Stove/Oven – What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Class meets Thursday for 5 hours beginning at 2:00 PM.

DIPLOMAS WILL BE ISSUED ONLY UPON SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION

 
VERY FUNNY?  View Comments

PREVIOUS POSTS
 
 
  • TRAVEL TRAILER FOR SALE

    FOR SALE: 2002 Bobcat 28' Travel Trailer
    Private Master Bedroom Queen Bed, Triple Bunk Beds plus convertable dining table and fold down couch. LP/Electric Frig and Freezer, Microwave, LP Stove and Range, TV, Stereo, Central Air & Heat. New Tires and 22′ Awning in 2006. Everything works, stored inside. Kitchenware and Camping Gear included. $10000 OBO – Stored in Fort Myers Florida / Contact Me if interested… 28 foot Bobcat

    VIEW MORE PICTURES
    [ Posted: 6/11/09 | Comments: 1 ]

  • SITE MENU

    • Register
    • Log in
  • CATEGORY MENU

    •   1000 WORDS (99)
    •   BLOG TALK (3)
    •   COOL STUFF (4)
    •   FOOD & DRINK (5)
    •   GARDEN & PATIO (3)
    •   LEISURE TIME (6)
    •   LOCAL INTEREST (8)
    •   MUSIC RELATED (19)
    •   OUTER SPACE (3)
    •   SITE NEWS (1)
    •   SPECIAL POSTS (9)
    •   TOXIC TEXT (8)
    •   VERY FUNNY? (7)
  • RECENT UPDATES

    • 09/02: Daryl & Daryl?
    • 07/21: THE WALL
    • 07/15: Sometimes it is difficult to be polite...
  • Featured Posts

    • Roger Waters 'The Wall' US Tour Dates Released!
    • EZ Seafood With Vegetables...
  • MOST READ POSTS

    • H1N1 Swine Flu Information & Links - 3,390 views
    • Florida Keys Vacation Information - 1,424 views
    • Homemade Air Cannon (Shoots Over 100′) - 988 views
  • NEXT SCHEDULED POST

    • No Scheduled Posts...
  • DID YOU KNOW?

    Butterflies taste with their feet.
  • FREE MONTHLY PRIZE GIVEAWAY
    ENTER OUR FREE CONTEST HERE
  • YOU ARE VISITING FROM

  • Archives

  • JOIN OUR BANNER EXCHANGE PROGRAM
    ADVERTISE ON THE CURRENT PAGE
    PRIVACY POLICY
BLOG CATEGORIES:
  • 1000 WORDS
  • BLOG TALK
  • COOL STUFF
  • FOOD & DRINK
  • GARDEN & PATIO
  • LEISURE TIME
  • LOCAL INTEREST
  • MUSIC RELATED
  • OUTER SPACE
  • SIDEBAR POSTS
  • SITE NEWS
  • SPECIAL POSTS
  • TOXIC TEXT
  • VERY FUNNY?
FAV THE CURRENT PAGE!
Bookmark and Share
Copyright © 2010 The Current PageThis Site is Self-Rated PG-13Theme by: i Software Reviews